My Aunt’s Mantra

I guess this is the place to start.

I was at this weird place in my life where my mentality and my actions didn’t up. I wanted something serious, but I avoided commitment since I didn’t want to be rooted anywhere. I wanted to travel but I didn’t want to spend money. I wanted to be creative, but I distanced myself from creative people because I didn’t think what I made was good enough. I thought in circles and lost myself.

I have grown and realized how wrong I was. I wish I knew sooner. But here I am, three years later, thinking about what I could have created. Imagine where I could have traveled, even if it was those day trips to the coast I used to daydream about. I wonder how much I would love myself. I wish I grew up faster.

I always preach about wishing I knew something I know now. But I keep forgetting that I do know now. I did grow up. Maybe not at the ideal pace or the ideal timing, but I am growing. I wish there wasn’t such a stigma about accomplishing things by a certain age. I’m only 23, so I think I am where I need to be. I shouldn’t have all of the answers, and I shouldn’t have lived a life when it’s only really begun. I should be able to make mistakes and do weird and wrong things so I can take the experience in and learn from it. I understand those moments were just a learning curve in the grand scheme of life. I just feel like I’ve missed out on so much. What if I have?

It’s wrong to have that mindset and wishing my life ended up differently than it did. Because life goes on and those thoughts don’t hold significance. My life is good right now, and I don’t think I’d change the path that got me here.

My aunt had a mantra she swore by. She said, “if this won’t effect you in two years, there’s no reason to worry about it now.” So here I am, embracing this mindset, and beginning something I’ve always wanted to do.

Write.